Fine Print

Day 3 is the “relaxing” day so we get to sleep in until 7 and go on a hike that’s not short, but short-er. More rocks again though. We hiked to the top of Baramundi Gorge and got to stay and swim for a long time. There were a few little water falls and places where you could jump off rocks and stuff. It was fresh water; clear, clean and the closest thing I had to a shower.

Later, Dan shares his snack with me so I decide that I hate him a little less.

Our last two stops that day were the giant termite mounds and another wetlands. Wetlands are a lot more boring than the other stuff but at least you don’t have to hike for hours and hours to get to them.

After that, we headed back to Darwin. Overall it was a really worthwhile trip and I enjoyed it…all they need to do it build a hotel and some sort of chair lift and it would be perfect. And Dan wasn’t THAT bad, he gave us a lot of good information, he just needs to realize that not everyone grew up in the Australian Outback. When we got back to our hostel, we grabbed a brochure just to see what it said. Sure enough, in fine print on the very back it said something like “Kakadu Dreams tours are designed for persons age 18-40 who are in good health. Expect to hike 10-15 kilometers per day, etc, etc.” Well, there goes my complaint letter.

It was Jamie’s last night in Australia so went out to eat and she picked Shenanigans. “Hey Farva, what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks? …You mean Shenanigans?”

3x5

“You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3x5's”







The next day we got up at 6am. It was still pitch dark. This was the day of our “big hike,” which gave me mixed feelings. The plan was to hike up to the top of Twin Falls, go for a swim, hike back down and then go around to the bottom of it. No swimming in the bottom because of crocodiles.

When we started, we had no idea how far it was or what it would be like. It was hot and far and uphill. After about 10 minutes, I was wishing I had my snake scarf to keep me cool. But I really wasn’t thinking about how hot I was because I was concentrating so hard on not breaking my ankle. The “path” up the mountain was entirely made of rocks. I’m really not a fan of hiking anyway, because you always end up looking at your feet so you don’t fall instead of looking around at the scenery, but hiking on a trail of rocks makes it SO much worse. I would say it was about a 4 hour hike round trip. Jamie called it “the worst day of her life.” I wouldn’t go that far, but it was a LONG. And hard. *TWSS* And apparently Dan is part spider monkey or mountain goat or something because he would practically run across the rocks and get so far ahead that we couldn’t see him anymore. Every once in awhile there was a tiny orange arrow pointing us where to go, but they’re easy to miss. Katy, Jamie and I missed them twice and got lost so we had to backtrack and find the path again. When we finally caught up with the group, Dan said something along the lines of us needing to keep up so that doesn’t happen again. I decide that I hate Dan for making me rock-hike and for sucking at guiding us. The rest of the way up the mountain, I write a mental complaint letter. I didn’t remember the brochure saying anything about having to be a professional hiker/rock climber to be able to survive this tour or that your tour guide will promptly abandon you if you’re not running along side him.

Katy, Jamie and I didn’t talk to Dan for the rest of the afternoon and I think he got the hint because he did a little bit better job of waiting for us. But we really weren’t ever going that slow. We went as fast as we felt comfortable on the terrible rocks so as far as I’m concerned, Dan can go jump off the waterfall we just climbed to.

Even though the actual hike was so bad, the scenery was amazing and worth it. And looking back at my pictures, they really don’t capture how it was in person. The cliffs and waterfalls are so high that you can’t even fit them into one picture.

After lunch we took a shorter hike (only about 1k) to the bottom of Jim Jim falls, which wasn’t running because it’s the dry season. We got to swim in the gorge below it though, something you can’t do when it’s flowing. As we hiked back from the waterfall, Dan jumps out from behind a rock and yells “ARRRGHH Crocodiles!!!” at me. I say, “Now’s not the time” and I keep walking.

Of course the day that we’ve literally been hiking all day is the day that we don’t get a shower. Not even a sink. I brought a bunch of wipes with me so I wipey my whole body but it doesn’t make we feel much better.

Kakdu National Park Camping Trip

On Friday we met at 7am to go to Kakadu. There 13 other people on our tour and one tour guide, Dan. We drove out there in a giant 4WD because most places in Kakadu can only be reached by 4WD. The aboriginals still own Kakadu and don’t allow many paved or even gravel roads. Kakadu is HUGE, like half the size of Switzerland or some statistic like that. It also contains around 90% of the species of birds that are found in Australia, something I don’t care about. But I did manage to find one I liked. It’s a tiny bird with a red head and huge feet the size and shape of lily pads. It’s called the Jesus Bird because it can walk on water with its giant feet, which I will admit is very cool.

Our first stop on day 1 was at the Jumping Croc Cruise where you play with snakes and watch crocodiles jump out of the water and eat meat of sticks. Before we got on the boat, we got to hold some pythons. Dan the guide, who became crazier and crazier as time passed, told me I looked “brave” so he wound the snake all around my neck. It actually felt really good since it was so cold. After snake playtime, we got on the boat for to crocodile cruise. Turns out saltwater crocodiles can live in both saltwater and fresh water, but prefer fresh water so most of the time they’re found in rivers, etc but they could pretty much be in any body of water. They can sense vibrations from long distances have excellent eye sight and are able to learn the routines of their prey. So basically, if a crocodile decides he wants to eat you, you’re dead before you even know it’s there. Dan also tells us that Kakadu is one of the top 3 most dangerous places you can visit. He doesn’t know what the other 2 are.

The river we went out on is full of crocodiles and they hang around really close to the boat because they know they’ll get fed. We sat on the bottom level on the boat because you get the best view and the crocodiles jump up right next to the open window. A guy on the top level of the boat dangles a piece of meat out on a fishing pole, the crocodile stalks it for a little bit, and then jumps almost all the way out of the water and eats it. It’s awesome.

Our next stop was at an aboriginal art site. They paint their stories and lessons on the big boulders because they don’t have a written language. The boulders are made of sandstone, which absorbs the paint, and the person who was most qualified to retell the story repainted the drawings every year so some of the paintings are hundreds and hundreds of years old.

That was it for day 1, so we went to our campsite to set everything up. We had to gather our own firewood. I don’t remember that being in the brochure. While Dan made us dinner, we hiked up to the top of a hill to watch the sunset. The only problem was that the sunset was behind us so we couldn’t see much. I wasn’t too happy about hiking up a rocky hill for nothing. Out in the woods like that, the flies are AWFUL. They kept buzzing in my ears and it was making me feel insane so when I got back down to our campsite I put a t-shirt on my head to keep them out. I may have looked retarded, but it worked.

Dinner was a lot better than I expected. We had kangaroo, buffalo sausage, vegetables and mashed potatoes. The water was actually working that day so I got to take a shower but not long enough to wash my hair. We slept in mosquito domes, in sleeping bags, on the ground. Mosquitoes there are the size of small birds. Sleeping was awful but I was so tired that it didn’t really matter.

Darwin

Darwin is to National Parks as Cairns is to scuba diving; they’re just places you stay until you go off and do those two things. Otherwise, not much there. We arrived in Darwin late afternoon on Wednesday, checked into our hostel and found out that it was Territory Day which meant markets down by the beach and fireworks when it got dark. Our friend Nina who we lived with in Sydney was in town as well, so she met up with us down at the markets. Australian market food is a lot like American fair food…various forms of fried dough and things on a stick, aka delicious. We ate dinner down there, shopped and watched the fireworks. Australians are really good at fireworks. It seems like they set them off for any occasion they can think of, and the shows are always long and elaborate. This was the 4th fireworks show I’ve seen since I arrived in Australia.

The whole purpose of being in Darwin was to go on a tour of Kakadu National Park. Our tour didn’t leaving until Friday so we had a day to kill. We went down to Darwin’s fake beach…fake because Darwin and all of the Northern Territory is saltwater crocodile heaven so you can’t go near the real water. We hung out there for awhile and then went next door to the wave pool. The wave pool was full of bratty kids. Australian kids are especially bratty because parents here are really apathetic. Katy and I like to play “guess the parent” whenever we see a kid by themselves. Little kids are always wandering around or doing something bad and appear to have no supervision. The parent usually ends up being the adult that’s furthest away from the kid with their back turned. A mom at the wave pool told her little girl that it was time to leave. The little girl stomps back to the water, turns around, and yells “SHUT!!! UP!!!” at her mom and her mom just shrugs and goes back to what she was doing.

We went back to the markets with Nina that night, ate more fried food, and said goodbye to her since she was leaving in the morning. Then we went to bed early to prepare for our 3 day camping trip to Kakadu. The woman who booked our trip said we might get one shower during the 3 days. I am nervous because I do not like feeling hot or dirty.

Crystal Cascades and Mission Beach

Last Monday we took the free trip offered by our hostel out to the Crystal Cascades, near Cairns. They take about 15 people every Monday and show you around that area for the afternoon. Two guesses as to what the Crystal Cascades are. Waterfalls!

On the way there, we stopped in front of someone’s house to look at a nest of green ants on a tree in their front yard. We didn’t stop just to look at them, we stopped to “try” them. Apparently if you catch a green ant and lick it’s butt, it tastes sour like lemon-lime. And now I can say from personal experience that yes, a green ant’s butt does taste sour like lemon-lime. It’s actually a really intense taste; very, very sour. One was enough for me. I’ve heard that they’re on the menu at certain restaurants. That might be interesting.

We spent the afternoon swimming in two different places in the Crystal Cascades. The water was really cold so I was in and out pretty fast but it was nice to just sit by the water and have a change of scenery. One of the waterfalls was pretty big, the rest were more like rapids.

We went to bed early that night because we had to get up early to go to Mission Beach to watch Jamie skydive. Since she would be landing on the beach, Katy and I just had to lay there in the sun and wait for her to parachute down to us. She jumped from 14,000 ft so she had over a minute of free fall before her parachute even opened. And it was after that before we even saw her in the sky. It seemed to take her forever to get to the ground after her parachute opened. But she landed safely, right in front of us on the beach, and said she loved it. I had kind of put skydiving on the back burner but watching her land really made me want to do it again so….who knows.

Mission Beach was really pretty; lots of palm trees and coconuts all over the beach. It was a nice last day in Cairns.

The next day we flew to Darwin.

Books and Katy's Birfday

The past few days haven’t been too exciting. I’ve just been reading and laying out at the lagoon every so often. I think I’ve read more books in the past month than I have all year. It took me forever to read that stupid book about Australia. There were so many facts and figures that my mind kept wandering and I would have to reread what I just read. And some how I was tricked into reading Twilight. I must have blacked out or something. Actually it was a choice between that and going out and buying another book, so I decided to get it over with so everyone would quit bothering me about it. I tired to go into it with an open mind, and there were definitely some good parts, but I thought the author was pretty repetitive in story line and word usage and really just dragged it out too long. I’m seriously considering writing Stephanie Myer a letter addressing her overuse of the word “incredulous” and telling her how it practically ruined the book for me. And then she will write me back and tell me that she doesn’t care what I think because a billion other people loved the book and she has enough money to buy the rights to the word “incredulous” and exclusively use it as much as she wants. Between Jamie and Katy, they have all four books here and I’m still undecided, but I will probably end up reading the rest of the series, not because I particularly want to, but since they’ll be lying around. In the mean time, I’m taking a Twilight break and reading Chelsea Handler’s memoir Are You There, Vodka? It’s me, Chelsea. And also, fyi, Lost in Translation the book is nothing like Lost in Translation the movie…in a bad way.

Katy’s birthday was yesterday. We celebrated by feeding her a ton of sugar and going to the lagoon during the day and then going out to eat that night. We went to a “modern Australian” restaurant that had all of the Australian animals; kangaroo, emu and crocodile. I’m glad they don’t eat koalas…that would be too sad. I’ve had kangaroo a couple times so I was excited to try the other two. We got a crocodile appetizer and I ordered the emu as my main course. Crocodile tastes like a cross between chicken and fish, which makes complete sense since it lives both on land and in water. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that emu is red meat. For some reason I thought it would be white meat, I guess because it’s a bird. It was really, really good…tasted like steak with kind of a different flavor but still mild.

Later we went out with our friends from Sydney who are here and some people we’ve met at the hostel. We kind of think the German guy in our room with us might be gay because he’s a really good dancer and his hair is always perfect. But all European guys love to dance so maybe he’s not. Maybe I just want him to be because I miss Scott. It was a pretty fun night even though there aren’t too many choices of places to go out around here.

I didn’t feel too good today. I slept so long that when I woke up, Michael Jackson, Farrah Faucet and Ed McMan were all dead.

I have the day to myself tomorrow because Jamie and Katy are going on another diving trip. I didn’t think I was quite up to trying it again yet so I decided to pass…still practicing breathing through my mouth.

Port Douglas/Cape Tribulation

The weather in Cape Tribulation was kind of overcast and rainy…hence, rainforest. We attempted to go out to the beach in the morning but it wasn’t even worth it. Jamie went jungle surfing through the rainforest that afternoon. Katy and I weren’t too interested/didn’t want to spend the money so we stayed behind and read our books the rest of the day. When Jamie got back we drove down and inland a couple hours to Yungaburra for the night.

Yungaburra is in an area called the Tablelands and there are a lot of waterfalls and things like that to see around there. On Friday morning we went to see the Curtain Fig Tree. From what I read on the plaque in front of the thing, apparently a fig tree started growing onto another really big tree and eventually overtook it and fell onto another tree next to it. The first tree rotted away and that just left the fig tree leaning on the other tree, which looks like a curtain. Super interesting, right? Definitely one of those things were you had to be there in order to appreciate it. It was pretty impressive in person.

Next we stopped at the Gale Cheese and Chocolate Factory for lunch…the highlight of the trip. I think if it were a cheese, chocolate and wine factory, I would have never left. Of course I got the cheese plate for lunch, ate the entire thing, and then got more than a few chocolates for later…or right then. Somehow I managed not to throw up.

After lunch we started our waterfall tour. I have seen SO many waterfalls on this trip and we don’t even stop at all of them, only the really famous ones. If we had stopped at every waterfall along the way on this trip, we would still be in the North island of New Zealand.

The rest of that day and all of the next was devoted to waterfall appreciation and various things in nature formed by volcanic gas. These included Millstream Falls, Innet Hot Springs, Crater Lakes, Millaa Millaa Falls, Zillie Falls, Ellinjaa Falls, and one more famous fig tree, the Cathedral Fig.

We got back to Cairns on Saturday afternoon and have just been hanging around. Katy and Jamie went on another tour today and I stayed behind to plan things for when Jessica comes. We have one more week here and then go to Darwin for a week to watch crocodiles eat meat off sticks dangling over the water. I hope I don’t die of boredom in the mean time. Just kidding, it’s not that bad.